One Month Later

This morning when I woke up my heart was very heavy. I wanted nothing more than to be left alone, all alone, the entire day.... But arranged weeks ago was a day full of things I had to do and attend. I know God knew well in advance that today would be long and dreary for me, so he made sure to fill it packed full of my closest family and friends from sun up to sun down. And I truly wouldn't have it any other way.
It started off with this beautiful reminder that his mercies are new every single morning.

Lunch with my two boys, a three hour car ride with my sweet sister and bro-in-law to enjoy my oldest friends wedding and dinner with my sweet family.

Tonight my heart, though missing a tiny piece, is very, very full indeed.

Our Sandlot

Hello from our sandlot!!
Liam is having a blast playing in our "sandlot" or I should say sand circle, before we cover it up with last years pool!
(It was our poor attempt at leveling our patch of yard for the inflatable pool!)
For right now it's his new domain. Kids and sandboxes go together like ants and sugar.....moms and sand however.... well we go together like lent on your toothbrush.... Impossible to remove!!!

Braille Blocks

We have been making and selling Braille blocks for home decor! Any words in any colors! Both blogs (throughliamseyes.com and amymeredithatkinson.blogspot.com ) will both be posting new ones as we craft more and more! For purchasing please visit Amy's Etsy shop at http://www.etsy.com/shop/amymeredith

All proceeds to charities for kids with albinism!

The Most Valuable Piece of Jewelry I Own

My charm necklace.
It's been a growing work-in-progress of my favorite charms, for three or so years now.
It started with this single, solitary diamond heart, from my wonderful husband, on Christmas morning while I was pregnant with Liam.

 I don't remember ever taking it off until the second charm came about, my first Mother's Day, just two weeks before I delivered Liam.  It was perfect!

Then came the third and fourth charms just this past week.  Sometime, during the weekend when I told Brian he was going to be a dad again, he mentioned he would soon have to add another charm to my collection.
And so he did.....Not in the way that we expected, but in a way that's close to my heart....The happiest memories of our joyful giggles of excitement captured in a simple charm, of the day we found out about sweet baby #2.....A gentle reminder every day that this world is not our home.

A Box Full of Memories....

I think a part of me is still in shock....still expecting to wake up nauseous, to crave BBQ chips 24 hours a day, to start feeling flip flops and summer salts in my lower abdomen...but none of it is coming...
I never thought I would long to feel nauseous 24 hours a day, long to nibble on saltines and ginger ale all day as much as I do right now.
BBQ chips should have been the BIGGEST sign a month or two ago, as I have never in my life liked BBQ anything, but the past few weeks I have lived on it.
I wish I had that craving back now.

The day I flew off the handle at Brian and Liam, and then turned into weeping within seconds it hit me. I waited until the next morning when they boys were in the kitchen fixing breakfast...laid in bed for almost two hours holding it... then poof, two little pink lines. When I was pregnant with Liam, I wasted no time before I started talking to him though he didn't yet have ears to even hear me....this was no different. Our joy spilled over for our new growing family, and we spared no time telling almost EVERYONE!
One week ago today, the morning it all went wrong, we were on the way to my hometown to tell the last bit of my family. We had them all gathered in the same small town with Liam decked out in his "ONLY CHILD, Expiring September 2013" shirt when we found ourselves racing to the ER. All we wanted was to hear "her" (wishful thinking because this pregnancy was COMPLETE opposite of Liam's) little heartbeat for the very first time as we had yet to make it in to the OB office for our first ultrasound.
The minute the nurse turned the ultrasound monitors away from us, shielding their discoveries, I knew we were not going to hear it at all.
A few hours later we walked out of the emergency room into the cold air, and there we stood not sure what to do so we wept. We have wept for days since then....
It has been a week but we are still in shock... still wishing it was all a dream.
I know it's a subject well debated, but in our house we believe that this sweet baby of ours, even if we never heard a heartbeat, is still ours...he or she just went on to be with Jesus all too soon....but even in this, God has a plan. Through our sadness He is still great, and He still has a plan far better than the one we could ever imagine.
 Small as a blueberry our sweet baby #2 left an imprint on us and our hearts the size of a mountain, and a few weeks of joyfulness will be what we hold onto until we are all together again.
I think this may be something hard to imagine to a lot of people, so many different views on it for sure.... Our ER doctor was confident "this too shall pass as you have more children" but I know for me at least there will always be a small hole in the back corner of my heart that I gave our small baby.... after all he or she is the only other human being that has shared my heart and soul from the inside other than Liam. Our sweet nurse who led us out of the ER said it best to me when she told me, "no matter what anyone says, it was a child and it was your child, so you should grieve because you have lost your child weather you met them or not. Don't forget to allow yourself time to grieve, and don't feel guilty if you don't."

So today, one week after, we box up a few weeks worth of joyful memories into a small wooden box, tucked away in our Hope Chest, and tucked deep in our hearts. He has blessed us with peace and comfort this past week like we have never felt, and we trust fully in his plan and his timing for our little family of four.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."
Psalms 34: 18
"BEFORE I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:5

Project 52: A Photo A Week-- Mommy Style

There is this thing going around, you may have heard of it, called Project 52 (or the 52 Project, 52 photo project, 52 portraits, etc) that so many people are participating in in 2013. The titles and themes are different but the idea is all the same...One photo per week in 2013, that's 52 photos based on a different theme per week. It's so easy when you think about it, most of us have smart phones and take at least one photo a week--if your an overly proud mama like some of us *cough* *cough*, you probably take more than one a day!
So the idea is for everyone to upload their photos to the same flicker account each week, but since some of us *cough* *cough* don't care to share their photos with millions everywhere just more of their dedicated readers :), you can also post the pictures on your blog or website to share with friends, family, and readers. I decided I wanted to make up my own themes that would force me out of my box for this project, and am incouraging my other mom bloggers to partcipate too. Come January 2014 I can't wait to look back at the year in review, one week at a time. So here are my first three weeks worth....more to come people, more to come!

Here are the first 13 weeks, if you have any suggestions for the next 13 weeks by all means give me a shout!! I may even try to feature pictures from others participating as well!
Week 1: The True State of Your House
Week 2: Playtime
Week 3: Candid Shot (including yourself)
Week 4: Affection
Week 5: Photo of a Photo
Week 6: Scrumptious
Week 7: Your Morning View
Week 8: Current Favorite Object
Week 9: Find Your Happy Place
Week 10: Time with Your Kids
Week 11: The Giggles
Week 12: Inspirational
Week 13: Nap-Time

Week 1:

 

 

 

 

 

WEEK 2

 

Week 3:

Organizing Cards

I'm a pack-rat by nature. So I love finding good organizational ideas, especial those that get rid of a whole drawer or trunk full of junk. Something that always gets shoved into drawers around our house: cards. When Liam was born and on his first birthday, we received so many sweet cards- not to mention those from our baby showers- and I couldn't just throw them away. Until now they were scattered throughout our house, but with two simple rings and a hole punch, they are now nice and neatly kept together on our bookshelf. I even used card stock paper to decorate a cover sheet, and put Liam's name in Braille.

(I think I'll do another for our Christmas cards and one for the cards from our wedding/bridal showers.)